Michael's Dispatches

Happy Independence Day you bunch of New World Traitors!

4 July 2016

USBetsy Ross

We put the EXIT in Brexit, haha!

Happy Independence Day, America!

Ever since our ancestors beat back the dirty Red Coats, America has led the way in science, starting wars, giving things away for the heck of it, building the most magnificent library system the world ever has seen and giving free access online to the world, building space telescopes, hydrogen bombs, wiping out diseases and growing anthrax to shoot by missiles.

1000UK

Nobody fights terrorists or creates terrorists quite like we do. We are the most humble of the most arrogant people on earth, constantly greedy for money only to give away billions every year to people who say thank you and to others who stab us in the back. We give more to people who stab us in the back than we give to those who say thank you. We are that dumb. But, our private enterprise is preparing to send people to Mars. We are that smart.

No country in the history of mankind has had more friends and more avowed enemies than the United States of America.

No military has ever been more disciplined or idiotic. We even had an attack submarine commander who pretended to be a Navy SEAL. Nobody can make up this stuff. If I were a Navy SEAL, I would pretend to be an attack submarine commander. We are Americans, and we do such things.

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